Stephanie Elfman

The beauty of life unfolds during the most unexpected moments. I know this too well. Still, I was reminded earlier this month after seeing a woman who can best be described as a cousin-in-law if such a term exist.

Stephanie, my favorite cousin and a surrogate little sister, died in a car accident in 1997. She was 23, a recent University of Virginia grad and a sweet young woman on the cusp of blooming.  The only solace I had and clung to during the dark days was a relatively fresh memory of us together enjoying each other’s company.

Stephanie’s favorite cousins reconnect

She had spent time with me and my husband several weeks prior to the accident.  As usual, we giggled about topics only we could find funny.  During a Broadway performance of Fences, we became fixated on a silly joke no one else in the free world would find amusing.  I still don’t know why we weren’t ejected for a giggle-fest that while muted, was constant and tear-inducing for us.

When I thought about family members getting sick and possibly dying, Stephanie, 13 years younger than I,  was never on the list.

An only child, Stephanie was also the first cousin to Sheri, who I recently saw at a mutual friend’s baby shower. We could not believe how the years had sped by or how much we still missed Stephanie.  We recalled how losing her at such a young age reminds us to find the laughter and joy in life.  But loving Stephanie was not the only bond. We discovered we shared a similar view about children as well as unpleasant people. We both love writing and want to do more of it for fun and to pay bills. We had not seen each other for many years and as we spoke we searched each other’s face for a resemblance to Steph, our shared bloodline.  We  posed for this photo to send to Steph’s mom, our Aunt Mary.

This photo cannot begin to show the love we carry in our hearts for our cousin, who connected us one glorious Saturday.  Sheri, like Stephanie, is Jewish. I grew up Catholic.  Sheri is white and I am obviously not.  Stephanie was biracial and I think really starting to celebrate her special blend when she was snatched away. What a kick it would have been for her to have witnessed the election of Barak Obama, a biracial president.

I think of Stephanie often and imagine the conversations, laughter  and tears we would share now.

For Stephanie’s favorite cousins to reconnect was more than coincidence.  I think it was Stephanie’s way of showing us she thinks about us, too.